How to Write a Review in 13 Steps

REVIEW

brought to you by Rashika and Faye-the self proclaimed review gurus. 

1. Open Word Document/Google Doc or whatever the heck you use.


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Tomorrow’s the deadline you imposed yourself for this review, and it’s time to get to business. You ready your cup of coffee from Starbucks (but hey, that 3-in-1 Nescafé packet works, too) and flex your teeny weeny fingers and crack your knuckles. It’s show time.

2. Stare at that blank page, look over notes if you have any.


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But then, as soon as you try to start writing your review, you find that you can’t find the words to say. You look over your wall of text of gibberish notes, and instead of looking like they mean anything, the look like just a bunch of jumbled letters. Antonio and Mathilda kissing in a tree? Juanita was an evil queen? Who are these people again? Time’s a-kickin’, but you can’t seem to just type anything.

3. Question your life and wonder how you’re going to write the review.

You lose your momentum. Your coffee turns cold and your fingers go limp. You completely lost what you wanted to say. Just staring at your blank page is already giving you the feeling of exhaustion. But then, something clicks in your brain. It’s not the book, it’s not the review, it’s you! And you know what happens when someone gets demotivated? They try to get motivation.

4. Open Tumblr, Buzzfeed, or whatever your procrastination drug of choice is.


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You realize that you’re just lacking the drive and creativity right now. And when someone needs to be inspired, they find inspiration. And so you decide to go on Youtube to search for cute animal videos, Tumblr to go look for quotes of wisdom slapped on random-ass nature pictures, and Buzzfeed articles that are full of photos pulled from Instagram (and you consequently wonder if Buzzfeed ever asked for permission).

5. Forget about that blank page for an hour.

Before you know it, you’ve gone on to a timesink. I mean, review? A book review? What is that?

6. Panic when you remember you were supposed to be writing a review.


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You glance to your left, see the book you were sent to be reviewed, and look at the date on its spine. Today’s the only day you can post a review, your co-bloggers will be taking the rest of the week for their own posts, and the next time you can post a review again would be well after the release date. Your heart beats, your pores open up, and you start breathing faster. You realize that you’re a freaking book blogger and it’s time to get out of this timesink and GET. TO. WORKING.

7. Stare at book and wonder how the fuck you’re ever going to put your feels into words (unless you have a huge rant planned in which case, you shouldn’t even be procrastinating, let those feelings out.)

That stupid blinking line. That stupid, stupid blinking line. Why can’t this review write itself. WHYYYYYYYYY.

8. Write 100 words.

You search deep into your brain and write a few words. You wipe the sweat off your brow and smile proudly to yourself. 100 words, huzzah! There’s still a long way to go, but that’s a start. Rome wasn’t built in a day. You can’t earn a million dollars without that one dollar. It’s only one step towards many.

9. Take another break.

But really, though, those first 100 words were hard as heck. I mean, it’s always the start that’s the hardest! The book blogger life is not an easy one, yo! Just those few sentences already drained the heck out of you, giving you a slight migraine. Time to go back to those awfully cute cat videos.

10. Curse yourself and finally get back to that word document.


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You look at the time and are surprised at how much time passed. What the heck?! Only an hour left before your self-imposed deadline? You tell yourself that this is NOT the way of the honorable book blogger and you realize the only way to end this battle is to actually finish it. And so you grab your third cup of coffee, drink it, make another just in case, and get down to the REAL business.

11. Actually concentrate and get all your feels on paper.


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WRITE. WRITE. WRITE. WRITE. WRITE. WRITE. WRITE. WRITE. WRITE.

12. Wonder why it took you 100 hours to write a review since it wasn’t that hard when you put your mind to it.

You look at your 3000 word essay… errr, review… and smile maniacly to yourself how easy it was to let go of all the bottled up feelings. Seriously, if you put your mind to it, it’s not that bad!

13. Feel satisfied and productive and throw yourself a little party for writing an amazing review!


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Just a normal day in a book blogger’s life.

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Rashika

Rashika is a mysterious creature who likes to hide in the shadows. It's impossible to get to know her but if you must know, she is a huge bookworm. She also happens to have a huge sweet tooth so you can always lure her over the dark side by offering her something sweet (or bribing her with books).

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  1. says

    HA. This is hilarious. xD I actually loooove writing reviews and only ever procrastinate them if my thoughts are REALLY torn. I basically finish a book and go to goodreads straight away and start my review. XD (Which can be a problem, because it makes my reviews really feelsy-in-the-moment instead of always logical. Bah. But I have fun.) ;) GIFS ARE PERFECT FOR THIS THO. OMG. XD
    Cait @ Paper Fury recently posted…Weekly Fury #59 // Follower Appreciation GIVEAWAY (!!) And I Ate The LibraryMy Profile

  2. says

    LOLOLOLOL! You want to know how I overcame this whole list? (I was the world’s WORST about opening up my time sucker when I was preparing for a review). I type them at work. When there is something that I just DO NOT want to do, BAM! I’d write my rough review in about 10-15 minutes.

    Love the list, lady!
    Lyn Kaye recently posted…Book Review: Library of SoulsMy Profile

  3. says

    This is FABULOUS. I cannot even put how true it is into words! Oh, and sidenote: I have ALWAYS wondered if Buzzfeed tracked down all those Instagram users to ask permission! I’d assume not, but then that seems like a liability situation? Someone, use your procrastination time to find the answer to this!

    You know what the worst is? When you have stared at the blank post for a long time, exhausted all other procrastination sources, and just look around the room rather than write the review. Sometimes I will just keep refreshing Twitter, even though I know nothing is happening. Even procrastinating gets exhausting ;)
    Shannon @ It Starts At Midnight recently posted…This Week At Midnight (83)My Profile

  4. says

    Wow! Just, wow!

    This is hilarious, and wickedly on point. This is so me while I to try start any kind of writing exercise/school essay. Book reciews, tho? Argh. Can’t properly do it. I’ll just rant and go on a tangent.
    Misha recently posted…PenMy Profile

  5. says

    ON POINT. *claps*
    Why is it so hard to review a book you rated 3?! While ranting’s so easy it would be like procrastinating never existed. :p

  6. says

    YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS RASHIKA!!!!! I love this post so much! The gif for #2 is me every. single. time. You’d think once you’d been writing reviews with some frequency that they would start coming easier, but you’d be wrong. I still stare at that damn blinking cursor and go “why can’t I just say READ IT and be done?”.

    Thanks for the laugh, I needed it today!
    Jenny @ Supernatural Snark recently posted…Giveaway: Black Widow Prize Pack!My Profile

  7. says

    Awesome post and its so true!

    Except for me there is the additional “re-read and realize you hate everything you wrote and have to restart the whole process over again while questioning whether you actually are literate.”

    But maybe that’s just me!

  8. says

    You have no idea how spot on your are girls. My goodness. Lately I sit at my screen like a drooling knob and end up on Facebook or Twitter, or talking on Hangouts but anything other than writing that review. It took me eight weeks to write one for Illuminae. EIGHT WEEKS. I mean, what the effing shit is that!

    Now that you’ve helped me identify my problem, I’m assuming your next post will workshop with me how to fix it. Won’t it?

    *shakes fist*
    Kelly recently posted…The Next Together by Lauren JamesMy Profile

  9. says

    Hahahah I love this post, I’ve just become the laziest book blogger lately and so when it comes to certain books I don’t feel like writing a review for I don’t and I’m not one of those bloggers that goes back to writing her reviews later either, I either have to write it up straight after finishing the book otherwise I never end up writing it at all! But yes to procrastination, this is me all the time, and I always struggle with the beginning, I usually find myself rambling away until I’m into the full flow of things. :/ Brilliant post as always!
    Jasprit recently posted…Review: Isla and the Happily Ever After by Stephanie PerkinsMy Profile

  10. says

    Haha my steps: 1. Read book. 2. Procrastinate. 3. Listen to music. 4. Browse the web. 5. Tweet about struggling to write review. 6. Watch Netflix. 7. 3 hours later… write review.

    Haha I take so any buzzfeed quizzes when I should be writing blog posts or doing some sort of blogging. It’s SUCH a bad influence xD But so so true… Great post <3
    Rachel @ A Perfection Called Books recently posted…Ratings, Reviews, and How They Affect YouMy Profile

  11. Jennifer F. Santucci says

    I don’t know what I’m more excited about. That this story will be interactive or that the characters and setting take place in the Philippines! Subscribed so I wouldn’t miss updates on this!

  12. says

    This is so scarily accurate. What’s even worse is that I tend to make notes and start typing up a draft of the review as I’m still reading the book. Reviewing is so much more work than you’d think it is and sometimes there are just books that don’t seem to want to be reviewed, I don’t know why but sometimes I can write 800 words, sometimes not even 50.
    Jen @ The Bookavid recently posted…Book Blogging Etiquette: What to Do When Authors/Publishers Don’t Read Your PolicyMy Profile

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